Marie Osmond Doll Guy

Marie Osmond doll guy thinks the big doll in the middle is six shades of scarlet away from looking real.

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Celebrity Plush Doll Guy

Celebrity plush doll guy would so wrap himself six times over in that trendy 12-foot scarf, find a quiet corner of this celeb-studded pub event, and just BE.

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Celebrity Game Guy

Celebrity Game guy thinks you should see the other guy. The other guy is neither Jay-Z nor Beyonce.

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McCain Greeting Party Guy

McCain greeting party guy is not as excited as he looks.

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Perhaps he's had a look at the polls.

Victorious Rays Dogpile Guy

Victorious Rays dogpile guy would prefer that the celebration did not include the disintegration of his femur.

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McCain Debate Stand-in Guy

McCain debate stand-in guy sure hopes that The Maverick will show up, 'cause he hasn't even debated anyone seriously since the divorce. He doesn't even own anything that's not a cargo short.

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Emmy Red Carpet Triptych Guy

Emmy Red Carpet Triptych Guy can't figure out why his pics of Ari's duck tail keep coming out so damned amber.

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Pam Anderson Mannequin Guy

The left one is his cousin.

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Star Wars: The Force Unleashed Launch Party Guy

You don't want to know where Star Wars: The Force Unleashed launch party guy just got nicked by the mesmerizing plastic hand blades of Jango Bobo Fett-or-whoever-he-thinks-he-is.

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Tom Brady Teammate Guy

Tom Brady teammate guy needs to get back to the homestead pronto, so he can drop himself from his fantasy football team.

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Steve Jobs Conference Guy

When he returned to his one-bedroom apartment that night, after the press event, Steve Jobs conference guy said to his girlfriend, who is thinking about dumping him, "Sheez! If that thing gets any thinner, it'll disappear!"

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Palin Rally Guy

Palin rally guy holds the other three-quarters of his standard-issue McCain-Palin sign in his left hand. When Karl Rove says don't block the Hawaii star, you don't block the Hawaii star.

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Jonas Brothers Band Member Guy

Jonas Brothers band member guy has spent exactly 8000% more time working on his dreads than he has practicing any single Jonas Brothers song.

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Football Tech Guy

Football tech guy is staying calm. Just staying calm. Just...stayin...I love you, Brett!

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Large Hadron Collider Guy

Large Hadron Collider guy is more concerned about the black hole/end of the solar system issue than the jaunty angle of his hardhat would suggest.

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McCain Supporter Guy

McCain supporter guy isn't sure what's all the muckety-muck, but he wants it done-for and he wants it done-for now.

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Caribou Guy

Caribou Guy doesn't have the guts for national politics.

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Colorado State Football Fan Guy

Colorado State football fan guy heard "green" and immediately thought "neon."

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NASCAR Backstage Guy

NASCAR backstage guy is pretty famous for no reason in his own right.

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McCain Guy

McCain guy feels like he's always in the way.

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Convention Guy

Convention guy is totally into Obama and everything, but he'd still be psyched if that short chick would drop the sign an inch or twenty. Convention guy is thankful, however, that he's not standing behind Tex McGraw over there.

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Soccer Guy

Soccer guy can feel the party coming. And he'll be there. Whenever, wherever.

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Baton Guy

Baton Guy knows what it's like to really want something.

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Leisurely Guy

Leisurely guy is picking up what they're putting down.

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Lawn Chair Guy

Lawn chair guy watches lawnmower racing on his own terms.

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Base Camp Guy

Base camp guy smells like hot cocoa.

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